Cat & Keet: The Legend of the Sassy-Squatch

"Cat & Keet: The Legend of the Sassy-Squatch" by TheDarkCat97
Author's Note: ''This is a tribute to DaveTheUseless, so please, give this YouTuber your up-most support! Here's the link!''

The Story
This isn't one of those "Lost Episode" stories. At no point are you going to hear me claim something within the episode spoke to me, reacted to my words, or forced me to punch myself repeatedly in the face.

No, this isn't about a commercial selling Taco Bell or Mountain Dew products, or a character doing something despicable, insane, erratic, or irrelevant.

This isn't about a tribute to Adolf Hitler, or a hidden Satanic message, and at no time did I phone the creators or animators only to have my questions answered with hushed whispers or anguished screams.

This story is about a lost episode that I don't think anyone else has EVER seen.

That's it.

No ghosts. No goblins. No Nazi conspiracies. Just a secret we were all supposed to find, but never did. Something that changes an entire generation's childhood, and the very essence of a multi-million (billion?) dollar franchise.

And this little CreepyPasta my friends, is about the lost episode of the Indian TV series Cat & Keet, which was supposed to be similar to the SpongeBob Squarepants lost episode; "The Sponge Who Can Fly". Except, it had somehow vanished from existence.

What is it you may ask? Well, I guess you can just call it a "Tom and Jerry knock-off", about a cat and a parakeet (or was it a parrot?) chasing after each other with a blue donkey named Dunk. Now, finding the lost episode was not an easy task, for I had to search high and low for it online, and on multiple websites containing children's programs.

But one day, I finally found it.

I found it while I was scrolling down Google images and I happen to see a thumbnail with the title, "Cat & Keet | | Bigfoot | Funny Cartoon Videos | Chotoonz". Under the title was the words, "This is a funny and hilarious cartoon for children brought to you by Chotoonz TV, the one stop destination for laughs and comedy. Watch out for the tickles and giggles can be uncontrollable with our slapstick and chase comedies".

I expected it to be like the rest, since this is the only lost episode they had. I mean, don't get me wrong, I do tend to watch stuff like Pokémon, SpongeBob, Sanjay and Craig here and there, and my ultimate favorite, Invader Zim. But, I also enjoy some videos about the paranormal, like; Ghosts of Civil War soldiers, or deadly aliens from outer space. Anyway, I clicked on the video, and it takes me to YouTube.

And it started with the theme song that usually goes, Na, na-na-na na, something like that, and the episode began with the humans going camping, and the pets, Cat and, well, I guess Keet, was in the backseat as you would expect. The radio played the song "Ring Ding Dong" played by Dr. Dre, and the man driving the car was humming to the lyrics, tapping his fingers to the beat on the steering wheel. The woman was just talking on the phone with her friend. She was just talking gibberish, like the guy with the big nose from the show, Pink Panther and Pals. Cat can be seen trying to unlock the bird cage so he can grab Keet. Suddenly, as Keet looks at this in confusion, the bird began to talk which was unlike the cartoon since it was like Tom and Jerry.

"What the hell are you doin'?!"

The bird sounded like Steve Urkel.

Then Cat started talking as well, but he sounded like William Dafoe, which was really awesome to me, cause I really like William Dafoe's portrayal of Ryuk from Death Note.

"What do you think asshole?"

Then as he finally picked the lock with his claw, he opened it to have Keet punch the cat in the jaw with brass knuckles that said the word, "Damn", with every letter in every knuckle. Cartoon sound effects can be heard as usual throughout the episode. Cat flew back with a force, but came back to throw the cage through the car window, crashing the glass into pieces. The car screeches and the two humans try to find the bird cage with Keet inside. But no luck, so they had to call police. But since Cat threw the cage out the window, it was up to him to find it through the forest. Cat searched high and low for it, till he finally sees Keet out of his cage, and chases after him. Cat chases Keet throughout the entire wooded area till they got lost.

"Way to go colonel cluster fuck!" Keet said, "You got us fucking lost!"

"Well excuse me for being a fucking cat!" Cat talked back to the bird, "It's not like I can control my sudden urges! I can't help it! So fuck off ya butt fucking bitch snatcher!"

I kept a list on how many cuss words that are in this episode. And let me tell ya, there's a lot of cuss words. Let me repeat that again, a 'LOT', of cuss words. So if you see this episode somewhere, ya might wanna keep a keen ear.

It cuts to Dunk trying to find Cat and Keet with a machete. He's cutting limbs off of trees and grumbling to himself.

"Where the bull fucking hell are those two faggots?" He asks himself.

He sounds like Mike Judge for some reason.

"If I see those two twinkle dicks, I'm gonna kick their ass!"

I couldn't hold it in, I started laughing to tears. Cause I thought it was hilarious to see these cartoon characters swearing like sailors in a children's program, as if this was casual episode of Family Guy.

Then Dunk accidently lets a branch smack him in the face. He swiped it with the machete. Later, he found Cat and Keet with a scowl on his face.

"Took ya long." Keet said.

"Yeah blue douche bag, where you been?" Cat asked.

"How the fuck did you two get yourselves lost?!" Dunk asked angrily.

"Keet started it, he punched me in the fucking jaw! It still hurt too!"

"And it'll match you're ass when I'm done kickin' it!" Dunk answered back.

"Whatever man, how do we get out of here?" Cat asked.

Just when he asked that question, everything in the woods was suddenly quiet. Then the sound of slow, but thumped with a familiar rhythm. Like the sound of footsteps. The gang began to get scared.

"What the fuck?!" Dunk asked.

Then suddenly a familiar sound came wailing around the trees.

It was Bigfoot!

He was then doing a musical number as he came. It was the song, "Shiny". I didn't think Cat & Keet ever had a musical number. He was even doing perverted things with everything as he sung like Jonathan Young.

Very. Perverted. Things.

Words couldn't describe what I just saw... I just... Sat there... Shaking my head, slowly. With my eyes wide as saucers... And my jaw, all a gape.

As Cat, Keet, and Dunk tried to get away from the giant hairy rapist, they saw the human's car. They made it out alive, and not with Sasquatch semen all up in their asses. They got in the car, locked it, and rolled the windows up as fast as they could. The Bigfoot was still chasing them. Instead, he saw the humans. And...

Holy, fucking, shit...!

He fucking raped them!

Cat, Keet and Dunk's jaws dropped!

"Oh my god!" Dunk screamed.

"Sweet mother of our fucking Lord! I've gone blind!" Keet squawked.

"If I had a gun I might as well shoot myself!" Cat protested.

Keet gave Cat a pistol, making it look like Keet had token this seriously.

"Here! Don't get blood all over the backseat, the woman just cleaned it this morning!"

"Not literally you dumbass!" Cat barked.

"Will you two shut the fuck up?!" Dunk yelled, "Can't you see the humans are getting their genitals manhandled?!"

They got the urge to slam the gas pedal in the car, and rammed the vehicle onto the Sasquatch, sending him to a Bigfoot crossing sign. Bigfoot was knocked unconscious. Everyone happily made it to their camp site. And Cat and Keet began their shenanigans once again.

And Dunk ended the episode with this line.

"Welp... At least this show ain't worth bullshit."

I just turned it off with no emotion what so ever. All I can do, is just sit there, with so many thoughts rushing in my head. My cell phone rang in my pocket, and I answered it to hear my friend Sam, and he asked me if I saw the show yet. And I answered him the same thing Dunk said.

"The show ain't worth bullshit."